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Yellowjackets tells harrowing tale of Americans trying to cope with Canadian winter
VANCOUVER – The Vancouver-shot television show Yellowjackets has returned for another highly anticipated season and audiences are clambering to watch the horror that will unfold as a group of stranded American teenagers devolve into insane…
Carbon prices rise to $65/tonne, millions of households eligible for rebates
OTTAWA – Canada’s national carbon price rose today from $50 per tonne of emissions to $65, the largest single rise in the pricing structure to date. As well, rebates that millions of households will receive to offset the surcharge are set…
Paleontologists theorize the T-Rex had kissable lips and an ass that won’t quit
VANCOUVER – The paleontology world is abuzz this week following the release of a new study which concludes that the tyrannosaurus rex, a massive bipedal carnivore that went extinct 66 million years ago, possessed soft, smoochable lips in…
Fugitive Trump’s attempt to flee to Mexico thwarted by big wall
EL PASO – Recently indicted steak salesman Donald J Trump attempted to flee to Mexico early this evening in order to escape charges awaiting him in NYC, but found it impossible to make it to the other side of the border due to the presence…
Danielle Smith’s work as premier revealed to be 90% interfering in COVID prosecutions, 10% cowboy…
EDMONTON – Following recent revelations, observers have determined that Danielle Smith’s official calendar of duties as Alberta’s Premier consists entirely of 90% inappropriately communicating with justice officials for leniency in…
STUDY: You’re the only uggo in this Pilates class
SWITZERLAND – A new study published in Nature has confirmed what scientists have long suspected — in this Pilates class, you are the only uggo.
Scientists conducted the seconds-long experiment to determine, what, exactly you’re doing…
Canada announces tax-free grocery savings account
OTTAWA – As part of their latest budget, the Trudeau Liberals have announced an additional measure to help financially squeezed Canadians: a new tax free savings account to help Canadians save for groceries.
“Across the country, Canadians…
Highlights of the Liberal’s 2023 Budget
Holy motherfucking shit it’s Budget season! The time when the government announces how it will spend all our money and we all pretend to understand the difference between the debt and the deficit. Check out these highlights of the Liberal’s…
Crazy! Latest mass shooting ridiculously blamed on easy access to things that shoot
U.S.A. – In another ‘you have to read it to believe it’ situation, a few wacky experts are blaming the latest mass shooting on the shooter’s easy access to things that shoot. Seriously!
I mean, we all know that it can be kind of tough to…
Loblaws CEO blames record breaking profits on newfound popularity of food
Toronto, ON – Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Jr. has recently explained to politicians on Parliament Hill that his record-breaking profits during difficult economic times are only due to Canadians’ modern fascination with eating.
“It’s a very…
Play Hard. Get Dirty. Use Good Saop.