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Pope decrees that every Friday is a Good Friday when you’re hanging with your buds
VATICAN CITY – Supreme Pontiff Pope Francis has marked the holiest week on the Christian calendar by reminding Catholics worldwide that it’s important to kick it with your pals.
“On Good Friday, we fast to honour the sacrifice Jesus made…
Woman celebrates 3 hours of socialisation by not leaving apartment for 32 days
GATINEAU, QC – Matilda Hammond, a work-from-home closed-caption writer, caught up with some university pals at a bar for three hours last month, and then rewarded herself by spending the next 32 days by not leaving her apartment.
“I’m your…
Galen Weston defends $3 million raise by asking “Have you seen how expensive stuff is getting…
Caledon, Ontario –Loblaws CEO Galen Weston defended his $3 million raise this week by noting that it’s really not that much when you think of how expensive things are nowadays.
“Have you been to the grocery store lately?” asked the…
Last of Us moves filming to Vancouver; Albertans pretend they never liked it
CALGARY– In a well-known trope for residents of Canada’s most put-upon province, Albertans reacted to this week’s news that HBO’s The Last of Us is moving production to Vancouver by claiming they never liked the show, couldn’t see what the…
Nation relieved to see Trump indicted before he could do anything really bad
NEW YORK – People across the United States and entire world are reportedly breathing sighs of relief that the former President is experiencing legal consequences, before he could do any real damage.
“It’s been a terrifying seven years,”…
“Spring in Canada is so beautiful” says woman about to experience months of grimy dirt snow on the…
BURLINGTON, ON – Penny Collier, 31, recently claimed to some international friends that “springtime in Canada is so beautiful”, clearly not remembering the endless months following winter where the sides of roads are covered in old, dirty…
Ticketmaster to levy service charge for concerts you don’t attend
BEVERLY HILLS, CA — Ticketmaster, a division of Live Nation Entertainment, has announced a new service charge for concerts their users don’t attend or even know about.
“We’ve been adding more and more service charges over the years,” said…
First Canadian to orbit moon in attempt to find affordable housing
CAPE CANAVERAL – Astronaut Jeremy Hansen, a colonel in the RCAF, will become the first Canadian to orbit the moon in an effort to find affordable housing.
“Catherine and I have three kids, so space is a big factor,” said Hansen, rubbing his…
Chinese government asks Elections Canada for tax receipt
OTTAWA – After learning of the generous 75% tax refund received by Canadians who donate to a political party, the Chinese government has issued an urgent request asking for an Elections Canada tax receipt in the hopes of earning back a few…
Yellowjackets tells harrowing tale of Americans trying to cope with Canadian winter
VANCOUVER – The Vancouver-shot television show Yellowjackets has returned for another highly anticipated season and audiences are clambering to watch the horror that will unfold as a group of stranded American teenagers devolve into insane…
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