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Beaverton
Single-use plastic bags to be replaced by reusable bags you will use a single time
OTTAWA – With Canada’s ban on single-use plastics beginning to come into effect shoppers will soon be unable to buy single-use plastic bags, which will be replaced by reusable bags they will use a single time, hang on the back knob of the…
Neat! Phone turned “am I going bald?” pics into a TikTok
CALGARY — Local man Archie Nordheim is pleased to have discovered that his smartphone automatically turned a bunch of photos he took of his balding head into a TikTok.
“I love the way my phone uses cutting-edge machine learning to make my…
Poll: Majority of Canadians willing to vote for whatever politician promises to slap Galen Weston…
OTTAWA – A recent Angus Reid study has confirmed that Canadian voters are not sure who they will support in the next election, and are willing to give their support to whichever candidate promises to slap Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Jr smack…
Standing desk a great reminder of how nice it is to sit down
CALGARY – Local accounts manager Regina Lackie has discovered her new standing desk has an exciting unexpected benefit – it reminds her of how nice it is to sit down.
Lackie purchased a sit-stand desk after her doctor explained to her that…
New Netflix stand-up special just hour long black and white footage of comedian walking to venue
NEW YORK CITY – Netflix has unveiled its newest stand-up special from veteran comedian Farlow Burgley, a 2-hour long single shot of the comedian walking from a small apartment he doesn’t live in to the venue he’s performing in.
“When you…
Oilers fan sick of media always talking about the Leafs has tweeted about the Leafs 6 times today
EDMONTON – Leonard Bagan, a die-hard Edmonton Oilers fan, says he is sick and tired of Canada’s sports media always covering the Toronto Maple Leafs, a team he has devoted his life to talking about ad nauseam across all social media…
John Tory proposes increasing Toronto Police budget to keep Torontonians safe from effective social…
TORONTO — At a news conference today, Mayor John Tory proposed increasing the Toronto Police Service’s budget by 48.3 million dollars in order to ensure that the people of his city would be kept safe from valuable social programs such as…
Canadians already giving up on 2023, begin planning for 2024 instead
OTTAWA – A recent York University survey indicates that a majority of Canadians have already given up on planning and hoping within the year 2023, and have shifted any optimism forward to the year 2024 instead.
“I’m supposed to graduate…
Trudeau assures Canadians that Bill C-21 will not impede their rights to die in hunting accidents
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau took the podium last week to reaffirm to Canadians that even with Bill C-21 tightening up gun control laws, they will still be able to perish in preventable incidents during outdoor activities.
“The…
CBC journalist reports: “All landlords deserve a little kiss”
TORONTO – After hearing yet another story of a “Downtrodden, heartbroken, teensy weensy little landlord” who became upset when a tenant callously needed a place to live, Canada’s national broadcaster is now reporting that all landlords…
Play Hard. Get Dirty. Use Good Saop.