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Beaverton
Divorced Dad advent calendar promises big chocolate every other weekend
VANCOUVER — A new brand of advent calendar made for divorced dads by Divorced Dads features one very large chocolate every other weekend to show your child that you care just as much if not more than those other calendars.
Divorced Dads CEO…
How to go through the five stages of grief before meeting up with your friend who didn’t cancel
There is literally nothing better than cancelling plans. Seriously. If you look up the word “orgasm” in the dictionary, it’s just a picture of someone texting, “Sorry, can we reschedule?”
Unfortunately, there are some people who just can’t…
Breaking: Some sort of entirely futile climate conference happening again
A LARGE CITY WE DIDN’T BOTHER TO LOOK UP ― World leaders are once again convening to draw up a set of ambitious promises they definitely won’t fulfill, toothless goals which wouldn’t do much anyway, or, most likely of all, a pointless…
Freak! This guy actually enjoys fruitcakes
EDMONTON, AB – Local weirdo, Felix Bonner, 36, recently told his co-workers that despite its horrible vomit-like taste, he actually enjoys fruitcakes.
“It’s just a nice blend of sweetness and spices,” said the complete abomination of a man,…
Twitter bans replying ‘lol’ to any joke not made by Elon Musk
SAN FRANCISCO – Twitter announced a surprising change to its Terms of Use today, informing users that replying ‘lol’, ‘lmao’, ‘haha’, and any variant thereof to any account other than that of Twitter’s CEO and owner Elon Musk will result in…
Poilievre excited to show off his new Trump NFT trading cards during House of Commons recess
OTTAWA – As Canada’s federal legislators prepare to return home for their six-week winter break, the leader of the Conservative Party was seen running out of the House of Commons chamber to tell people all about his sick new Trump digital…
Experts warn a US rail strike could’ve lead to shortage of hobo tall tales
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In the wake of a near walkout by the US’s railway workers, experts have advised that an industry-wide strike would’ve led to supply chain disruptions of fun but exaggerated stories told by wandering vagabonds and scamps.…
Twitter bans journalists for failing to report on how much Elon Musk supports free speech
SAN FRANCISCO – Several prominent journalists have found their Twitter accounts permanently suspended under grounds that they spent insufficient time reporting on how Twitter CEO Elon Musk values free speech above all else.
On Thursday…
Apartment building named “Regency Landing” appoints Maintenance Viscount to fix leaking shitter…
VICTORIA — Proctor Properties Inc has recently appointed George William Sherston-Phipps Tollemache Montesquieu III of Roxborough as its Maintenance Viscount for the Regency Landing apartment building, and his illustrious tenure is beginning…
Danielle Smith apologizes for “thoughtless” remark she is about to make
EDMONTON – After apologizing to First Nations, Ukrainian-Canadians and the vaccinated, Danielle Smith today issued a new apology to anyone who was hurt by the comments she is about to make.
“If the comments I am about to say in mere moments…
Play Hard. Get Dirty. Use Good Saop.