Browsing Category
Beaverton
Galen Weston liberates No Name brand from shackles of tyrannical price freeze
BRAMPTON, ON – Galen Weston, billionaire philanthropist and benevolent overlord of the Loblaws grocery empire, has graciously announced plans to liberate No Name brand products from their unjust price freeze, effective February 1st.
“Much…
Nestle Canada to “wind down” frozen food sales, focus on Evil
TORONTO — Nestlé Canada has announced it will be ending sales of its Delissio, Stouffer’s, and Lean Cuisine brands as the corporate entity shifts toward investing more in committing blatant acts of evil.
According to a press release from…
White Guy insists on finding Chinese restaurant with “authentic” General Tso’s Chicken
TORONTO – Jeff Fisher, a local white guy, has demanded that, for his weekly dinner out with his core group of friends, they try to find a place with truly authentic General Tso’s Chicken on the menu.
“I’m sick and tired of stuff like Manchu…
Quebec outraged that anti-Islamophobia representative is able to identify Islamophobic law
QUEBEC – The Quebec government demanded that the federal government withdraw its support of Amira Elghawaby, the new representative to combat Islamophobia, because of her willingness to identify its Islamophobic Bill 21 as Islamophobic.
“It…
Mom on day three of telling story about bowl she saw at store that looked just like her bowl
Collingwood, ON — It’s official: after three days, Mom is still telling that story about a bowl she saw at the store that looked almost exactly like her bowl from home.
It all started on Friday, when Mom was at Williams Sonoma and saw…
Galen Weston says to Canadians who can’t afford bread, “Let them eat McCain’s Deep N Delicious…
Caledon, Ontario – With a growing number of Canadians facing food insecurity in the face of rising prices, Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Jr. recently informed the nation that if Canadians can no longer afford bread, “Let them eat McCain’s Deep N…
Local vegan confesses she can also tell food is vegan
COURTENAY, BC – A local vegan has confessed that she, too, can tell her food is vegan.
Chelsea Forsythe made the shocking confession after a near decade of vigilant veganism, during which she has become known for her catchphrase, “And you…
“Everything is broken so lets make it worse” vs “Everything is perfect so let’s fix nothing”
“Everything is broken so lets make it worse” by Pierre Poilievre
It is a fact: our beloved Canada is irreparably broken.
From unaffordable housing, to rampant inflation, to bold leaders being mocked just because they wholeheartedly…
We replaced all our writers with ChatGPT. Here are its first 10 headlines!
Great news everyone! Just like other friendly media sites who exist to remind you of pop culture moments you vaguely enjoyed while selling you a mattress in a box, we’ve gone ahead and fired all our writers! From now on every single piece…
TTC increases security on streetcars to ensure stabbers paid fare
TORONTO – After a recent rash of stabbings on public transit, TTC officials and Mayor John Tory announced today there would be an increased security presence on all vehicles to prevent any more knife-wielding maniacs from attacking other…
Play Hard. Get Dirty. Use Good Saop.