SATIRE – PURELY SATIRE

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Continuing his quest to bring peace to the Middle East and permanently quell hostilities between Jews and Muslims, President Donald Trump wisely suggested cutting the Temple Mount in half.After centuries of heated…

RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA — Local depressed man Jason Timberleaf admitted Tuesday that he had never considered solving his predicament by just not being depressed.After falling into depression due to mounting stresses and the state of the world…

Brought to you by: The Patriot PostDespite America's incredible efforts, the Middle East is once again exploding, with peace in the volatile region seemingly as elusive ever. But take heart! Here are nine creative ways that we can actually…

BURLINGTON, VT—Receiving encouragement from her ob-gyn as she struggled amid the throes of childbirth, area woman Jill Henderson was assured while giving birth Tuesday that everything was looking gross down there. “You’re doing great,…

Hey, guys. It’s me, acclaimed filmmaker Wes Anderson. I just finished my latest movie, The Phoenician Scheme, and it’s going to be great. It’s got everything—an ensemble cast of A-listers, set designs to die for, and a mid-century setting…

CHATTANOOGA, TN—In the midst of an armed bank robbery that authorities said is still ongoing, an unidentified gunman allegedly took a huge swing during a tense standoff Monday when he ordered his hostages Buffalo chicken pizza. Law…

A 35-year-old man who falsely claimed to be a flight attendant for six years to book over 120 free flights was convicted by a federal jury. What do you think? “That’s nothing—I was pretending to be the judge.” Ivan Nettles, Paint…

Jeremy Allen White Undergoes Experimental Mouth Enlargement Surgery - The Onion Published: June 16, 2025 Advertising Advertising Explore More Photos…

Music mogul Sean “Diddy” Combs is currently facing charges of racketeering, kidnapping, and coercing women into sexual activities in federal court. Here is everything you need to know about the trial. Q: Who is Diddy? A: Okay, we get it,…

LOS ANGELES—Faced with criticism after posting the suggestive cover of her forthcoming album Man’s Best Friend, pop star Sabrina Carpenter released a statement Monday assuring her fans that Daddy will punish her over it. “To any of my fans…

WASHINGTON—Following the Minnesota attacks in which one Democratic state legislator was killed and another was shot nine times, Republican members of Congress issued a statement Monday clarifying that their hate-filled rhetoric was only…

HELL — The serpent of old, who is called the devil and Satan, held a controversial "No King of Kings" rally for the damned on Saturday.Lost souls were seen carrying picket signs bearing phrases like "No King of Kings" and "I Like Sin"…

U.S. — The fallout of mass deportations continues to be felt across the country, as Mexican restaurants are being forced to replace mariachi bands with barbershop quartets.A longtime staple of Mexican restaurants throughout the United…

Brought to you by: Freedom ForumAny founding document written in the 1700s could use a little updating, no? Yes, there may have been amendments over the years, but not nearly as many as the country needs.The Babylon Bee has come up with the…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the recent political violence in Minnesota, Democrats have come forward to urge all Americans to avoid inflamed, violent rhetoric unless it's against Trump, the next Hitler who must be stopped at all costs.…

Man Opens Up About Childhood Trauma Of Being Forced To Put On Jammies - The Onion Published: June 16, 2025 Advertising Advertising Explore More Videos…

Trump Condemns Vance Boelter’s Incomplete Hit List - The Onion Published: June 16, 2025 Advertising Advertising Explore More Photos…

WASHINGTON—Reaching out to the surviving victims of Saturday’s shootings as they recovered from their numerous gunshot wounds, President Donald Trump reportedly called Minnesota state Sen. John Hoffman and his wife Yvette Hoffman on Monday…

LUBBOCK, TX—Saying the threat posed too great a risk to the life of its officers, the Lubbock Police Department confirmed Thursday its SWAT team had deployed a robot that succeeded in dismantling a potentially dangerous Black man. A…

WASHINGTON—Racking their brains as they tried to determine the express purpose of the homeland security secretary’s outfit, sources confirmed Monday they were not sure why Kristi Noem was wearing a firefighter helmet, night-vision goggles,…

BALTIMORE—As public schools across the country increasingly face budget shortfalls, educators like Patricia Harper, a fifth-grade teacher in Baltimore, have reportedly found it more necessary than ever to provide their own salaries. “I’m…

CHILLIWACK, BC – Recently, organizers of the Fraser Valley Trans Pride Festival ran into opposition when a group proclaiming themselves ‘Homos for Common Sense’ protested outside of their organizing office in the city centre. “We need to…

TEHRAN — Any qualified individuals or eager recent college graduates looking for work in the field of nuclear engineering will be happy to know that there are exciting opportunities that have just recently opened up in Iran.Suddenly and…

OTTAWA – Former member of Parliament Pierre Poilievre today bemoaned the interview he gave to Jordan Peterson, saying he can’t believe he hung out with him for a whole afternoon only to have it all to be for nothing. “You’re telling me I…

TORONTO – Local father Ray Teramoto has untucked his t-shirt to expose his hairy belly and rub it while watching television, according to sources familiar with the situation. “Tucking in his shirt all day is uncomfortable for him,” says his…