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SATIRE – PURELY SATIRE
People Blocking Students From College Based On Race Probably On Right Side Of History Again
U.S. — Groundbreaking, surprising new research suggests that people who block students from higher education based on their race are once again the good guys and history will…
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Seinfeld slams woke student audiences: “Back when I dated high school girls, they found me…
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9 Changes Disney Is Bringing To ‘The Chosen’
The official announcement that the popular biblical drama The Chosen will begin streaming on Disney+ elicited a mixed fan response, with some viewers wondering what types of…
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Mark Hamill Joins Death Star Press Conference To Say What A Good Job He Thinks The Emperor Is Doing
DEATH STAR — Viewers of the Imperial News Network were stunned today, as Mark Hamill joined a Death Star press conference to say what a good job he thinks the Emperor is doing.The…
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10 Ways To Beat The Fascist Police Coming To Arrest You For Supporting Palestine
The fascist police state is coming to arrest you for supporting Palestine and for no other reason than that. What will you do, comrade? Here are 10 ways to beat the fascist police…
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Orangutan Stuns Researchers By Using Rogaine To Fix Bald Spot
ACEH, INDONESIA—Watching in awe as the wild animal applied the medicinal product to the top of his head, primate researchers were reportedly stunned Friday after witnessing an…
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Hardworking Leafs tie up series, maximize how sad fans will be when they still lose
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‘I’ve Never Felt So Alive,’ Thinks Police Officer While Clotheslining Communist…
LOS ANGELES, CA — After weeks of dealing with unruly and aggravated protestors, a Los Angeles police officer finally felt moments of real joy and euphoria as a line of commie UCLA…
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Arrests At Pro-Palestinian College Protests Reach 2,000 Nationally
According to a tally by the Associated Press, the number of individuals arrested at college protests held in support of Palestinians in Gaza has surpassed 2,000 across 36 schools.…
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James O’Keefe Dresses Up As Karl Marx To Go Undercover With College Encampment
NEW YORK — According to sources, noted guerrilla journalist and founder of Project Veritas, James O'Keefe, successfully infiltrated the protest encampment at Columbia University…
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Advisors Assure Biden This Will Blow Over Once All Gazans Dead
WASHINGTON—As mounting campus protests and arrests over the Israel-Hamas war threatened his fragile electoral coalition, advisors to President Joe Biden assured him Friday that…
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Nation Disappointed After Biden Answers Business Call During Big Recital
WASHINGTON—His cell phone ringing and causing a huge distraction right as their piece began, the nation reported feeling embarrassed and devastated Friday after President Joe Biden…
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Annoying Teen On Train Has Girlfriend’s Whole Face In Mouth
NEW YORK—With multiple eyewitnesses saying the public display of affection on a Manhattan-bound F train had gotten way out of hand, reports confirmed Friday that annoying teen…
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Japanese Town To Build Screen Blocking Tourists’ View Of Mount Fuji
Fujikawaguchiko, a town in Japan known for its clear view of Mount Fuji, has begun constructing a large black screen to obstruct that view in an effort to ward off tourists, saying…
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Taylor Swift Begins Day By Playing Video Reminding Travis Kelce Who She Is, How Long They’ve Dated
LEAWOOD, KS—Urging her boyfriend to calm down after he woke up and immediately began to panic, Taylor Swift reportedly began her day Friday by playing a video reminding Travis…
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Airbnb Recreates House From ‘Up’ For Renters
As part of a promotion for its new “Icons” category of rental properties, Airbnb recreated the floating house from the movie Up, which the company claims is a fully functional…
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Doctor Reminds You To Arrive Early So You Can Wait Even Longer
U.S. — In a helpful message regarding your upcoming appointment, your doctor has reminded you to be sure that you arrive early so you can wait even longer.The reminder follows a…
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Congressional Democrats Demand $40 Billion For UCLA Protest Border Security
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A legislative stalemate appeared to be brewing on Capitol Hill as congressional Democrats put forth a resolution that demanded $40 billion to pay for UCLA…
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Immigration Crisis Ended As Frat Boys Deployed To Guard Southern Border
UNITED STATES — The immigration crisis appears to be finally over after the Department of Homeland Security deployed a crack regiment of fraternity brothers to guard the southern…
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Missionaries Travel From Africa To Bring The Gospel To United Methodist Church
U.S. — A group of devout Christian missionaries has arrived all the way from Africa to reach the United Methodist Church and tell them about the Gospel of Jesus Christ.Upon hearing…
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“Enough is enough:” Loblaws CEO commands all employees to hunt down, kill anyone participating in…
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Trump Watching Movie On iPad During Trial Without Using Headphones
NEW YORK—Resting the device on his thighs behind the defendant’s table, former President Donald Trump reportedly watched a movie on an iPad during his trial Thursday, not bothering…
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Cop Too Drunk To Administer Field Sobriety Test
BELOIT, WI—After following a vehicle that had exited the parking lot of Hatley’s Pub and pulling it over on suspicion of drunk driving, local traffic cop Travis Hatcher was…
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Biggest Prize On Eastern European Game Show Apparently Fridge
CHIŞINĂU, MOLDOVA—After turning on the TV in her hotel room and immediately becoming engrossed in Moldova’s most popular program, tourist Jessica Nevins confirmed Thursday that the…
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Idaho Man Arrested For Kicking Bison
A man from Idaho was arrested for allegedly kicking a bison, which subsequently injured him, at Yellowstone National Park while drunk, for which he now faces charges of disorderly…
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