SATIRE – PURELY SATIRE

Brought to you by: RevelationMediaIt's only a week until Christmas, which means two things — remembering the wonder of God sending Jesus into the world, and heatedly debating whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie. What if the two are…

Mysterious drones have been hovering in the skies above New Jersey and other states in the Northeast for weeks, alarming residents and prompting lawmakers to demand answers. What do you think? “New Jersey has a sky?” Matt Grimm,…

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that even the most hopeless group of outcasts could eventually be whipped into shape, Army recruiter Sgt. Paul Ackers confirmed Thursday that he was certain the ragtag bunch of teen misfits he had recently…

OTTAWA – With Justin Trudeau facing perhaps his greatest political challenge, the ghost of his late father, former Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, appeared before him to ask the pressing question of whether former girlfriend Kim…

y he comes to work every morning, Solarion Enterprises CEO Dan Lipcot told reporters Friday that in order to stay motivated at the office, he always kept a photo of himself on his desk. “When I’m working long hours at night or on the…

TORONTO – The Hallmark Channel announced a new movie airing this month that has raised some eyebrows. As part of its holiday programming and in an effort to court more viewers, the Hallmark Channel will air “I Fucked My Christmas Tree”,…

JERUSALEM — A tale retold at Christmastime for thousands of years was shaken up this week, as a newly discovered scroll revealed a fourth wise man who brought baby Jesus the best gift of all: a priceless Lego Millennium Falcon.The discovery…

FLINT, MI — In a selfless and helpful act, local husband Peter Crampton pointed out all the historical inaccuracies in the episode of 'Downton Abbey' that his wife Ellenor was watching.According to sources, the couple had just started…

Doctor Warns Of Damaging Effects Child Obesity Having On Mall Santas - The Onion Now: Focus [youtube…

ABC News agreed to pay $15 million toward Donald Trump’s presidential library to settle a defamation lawsuit over anchor George Stephanopoulos’ inaccurate on-air assertion that the president-elect had been found civilly liable for raping…

With plenty of hard feelings still lingering after Trump's landslide election victory, more and more prominent Democrats have publicly declared they will not be attending his inauguration.The Babylon Bee has compiled the current list of…

U.S. — The United States Post Office issued a reminder Tuesday that this is the last day for packages to be delivered if you want them to arrive by Christmas 2037."The Christmas season is the busiest time of year for the USPS, and that's…

THE HEAVENS—Groaning to Himself as the professionally dressed evangelists rounded the corner, the Lord God Almighty reportedly locked the gates of heaven Tuesday after spotting Mormon missionaries milling around outside. “Maybe if we turn…

MONTREAL – A nationwide survey of children’s entertainers has made a surprising discovery; family-friendly songwriter Rafe Le Rafe is not an Australian. “Yeah, I grew up in the suburbs and just have a passion for singing kiddy songs,” said…

WASHINGTON—Apologizing for the terrifying series of events that left shocked, confused, and disgusted citizens screaming, crying, and searching for cover, Federal Emergency Management Agency administrator Daniel Gilroy announced his…

Women are a mystery. We literally do not understand them at all. So, we consulted with the top women researchers, and they revealed to us the 12 most common questions wives ask during movies. Here they are:Q: What's the name of this movie…

LEXINGTON, KY—Clutching his stomach and describing his nostalgia for an era now passed, 36-year-old man Steven Dewey sat down with reporters this week and recalled his halcyon days of seven Oreos ago. “Ah, to be at the beginning of the pack…

LAS VEGAS, NV — In what industry observers hailed as a win for diversity, equity, and inclusion, Allegiant Airlines made history by announcing that it had hired the airline industry's first straight male flight attendant.The new hire, Jeff…

U.S. — Recent drone sightings across the eastern United States are apparently nothing more than an elaborate gender reveal, Pentagon officials announced Monday. The revelation came as the lights in the sky thought to be Iranian spy drones…

NEW YORK CITY, NY — The audience of the Broadway play & Juliet was in for a heartwarming surprise during a recent showing, when the production called a little retarded girl up on stage to perform one of the numbers.While theatergoers…

OTTAWA – Canadian Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland has triumphantly announced her resignation after proclaiming victory over all aspects of Canada’s formerly troubled economy. “I’m a firm believe that when a job is done, you don’t stick…

Meta, the social media giant that owns Facebook and Instagram, donated $1 million to President-elect Donald Trump’s inaugural fund as the company tries to mend fences ahead of a second administration that could oversee major social media…

LOS ANGELES—Staring blankly at the 27-year-old woman sitting across from him, musical artist Justin Bieber told reporters Thursday that he had forgotten his wife’s name. “I’d just keep saying ‘babe,’ but I think she’s starting to catch…

Mufasa: The Lion King, the prequel to the 2019 photorealistic remake of The Lion King, arrives in theaters Dec. 20. Here’s what you need to know about the newest Disney film. Q: What can fans expect to learn about Mufasa’s backstory? A:…

NEW YORK CITY – Times Magazine has announced that Donald Trump has been named in their latest issue as their Person of the year, stretching the definition of “person” to its absolute limit. “He was born of man, consumes organic resources to…