SATIRE – PURELY SATIRE

Halifax, NS – Looking to take advantage of AI in his practice, Dr. Allan George turned to ChatGPT for novel ways to tell female patients “It’s all in your head.” Dr. George, a rheumatologist with over 20 years of experience, has found…

Brought to you by:Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency is still in the process of combing through the records of the Social Security Administration in search of potential fraud, but several red flags have already arisen — one of…

NEW YORK, NY — In a desperate attempt to blend in, son of the president, Barron Trump, has reportedly resorted to putting his knees in his shoes and walking around campus like a normal-height person.Eyewitnesses said the NYU freshman…

CHICAGO, IL — Yet another batch of heathy vegan food was painstakingly synthesized using 957 chemicals earlier today at the Organisynth Corp. laboratory. According to scientists at the lab, Organisynth exists to help produce affordable,…

RICHMOND, VA — A local man was reportedly devastated after spending his life listening to the band Evanescence and thinking they were Christian, only to learn that he was wrong and would now be spending eternity in Hell.Kevin McGraw said…

ALHAMBRA, CA—Marking the moment as an exciting new era for Elmhurst Management Solutions, employees confirmed Friday that the revival of the company’s internship program heralded the coming of age of CEO Richard Bonaldo’s daughter.…

NEW YORK—Leaping at the opportunity to make their intentions clear, numerous NFL front offices expressed interest this week in quarterback Aaron Rodgers playing elsewhere, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Aaron Rodgers feels like he could be a…

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA – Representatives from the United States and Russia met today to commence their “Ukraine Piece Talks” summit, wherein the two autocrat-led nations will discuss which lucrative pieces of Ukraine each will claim as their…

CHICAGO—Charging across the street in order to find out “what this motherfucker’s problem is,” local drunk man Garrett Dotson confirmed Tuesday that he didn’t like the way the Kumon logo was looking at him. “Keep staring, bitch, and see…

According to reports, billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk has a lot of kids, with an estimated three dozen Musk-sired children being announced during the typing of this sentence. This has led millions of people to wonder if their children…

HAMBURG — Chaos erupted and hundreds fled in a German city once again today, after what witnesses described as a "deranged maniac" allegedly fired off over 17 memes in a crowded shopping mall.The incident occurred during peak shopping…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — America's resurgence reached a new level this morning, as President Donald Trump announced a plan to attack the British and Prussian forces at Waterloo, effective immediately.The announcement of the new offensive came on…

A growing body of evidence suggests that GLP-1 drugs, which include semaglutide, the active ingredient in Ozempic, may be useful for treating alcohol use disorder. What do you think? “I usually drink wine to reduce alcohol…

Kristi Noem has vowed to use her power as Secretary of Homeland Security to crack down on immigration. Here is everything you need to know about the Trump cabinet member’s background. Ethnicity: Real Housewife Religion: Cabela’s…

PALO ALTO, CA — According to sources, a local impoverished man only has two computer monitors on his desk in his home office.Harold Gates, a middle-aged entrepreneur with a wife and two children, is living the American dream, that is,…

WASHINGTON D.C. – Asked about his earlier comments regarding Canada becoming the 51st state, President Donald Trump clarified that Canada needs America to offer it protection from hostile aggressor nations like America. Following the Trump…

WASHINGTON—Expressing frustration over the vice president’s continued presence in both the White House and his life, President Donald Trump was reportedly unsure Monday about what department he had to cut to make JD Vance go away. “I’ve…

DHARAMSHALA, INDIA—The Dalai Lama announced in a press conference Monday that he has revised his position that suffering is an inevitable fact of life and that he now believes life is only suffering when one is not listening to golden-era…

SEATTLE—Voicing concern about the adult’s aberrant behavior, sources confirmed Monday that it was almost weirder that Richard Shea, a grown man on Roblox, wasn’t using the online gaming platform to groom children. “If he was on here trying…

LEXINGTON, KY — Local woman Julie Linton took several pictures of her dinner to post on social media for the benefit of all of her friends who have never seen a plate of spaghetti before."Wow, that's crazy. I've never seen noodles with…

LITTLE ROCK, AR — Local man Dennis Walters finally realized that the reason people play hockey is because it allows them to legally punch a Canadian directly in the face.Puzzled for years as to why people would skate around in freezing…

MONTREAL — Hockey fans of the soon-to-be 51st state of America booed when their future National Anthem was played last night.In a seemingly prophetic outcome, the loser nation currently known as "Canada" then got absolutely smoked by their…

MUNICH, DE — Following Vice President J.D. Vance's speech condemning Europe for failing to do its part alongside America to protect democratic ideals, European leaders vowed they would exact revenge on the Trump Administration by paying…

NEW YORK, NY — Saturday Night Live hosted an epic celebration to mark fifty years since the show started and twenty-five years since it was last funny.The anniversary event included an array of musical guests and cameo appearances,…

MUNICH — Angry about Vice President J.D. Vance's speech denouncing censorship in the Europe, the European Union has decided to censor all videos of Vance's speech."Vance's hateful comments about censorship have no place in public discourse…