SATIRE – PURELY SATIRE

SACRAMENTO, CA — In an effort to simultaneously deal with the state's residents attempting to stage a mass exodus and capitalize on the popularity of fun group party activities, California unveiled a massive new escape room called…

The fate of the world was left hanging in the balance when Starbucks employees went on strike, holding the company over the proverbial barrel with a long list of demands. The willingness of Starbucks management to give in could very well…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Tensions stemming from the ongoing negotiations between Russia and Ukraine to bring the years-long war to an end threatened to boil over once again, as President Donald Trump responded to Vladimir Putin's charge of him…

OTTAWA – As King Charles read the Speech From The Throne Conservative Party of Canada leader and not MP Pierre Poilievre was seen outside the Senate with his face pressed against the window. The unemployed Conservative Party leader began…

Singer-songwriter Gracie Abrams is currently touring to promote her album The Secret Of Us. Here is everything you need to know about the artist. Genre: Treadmill cooldown Image: Girl next door in a gated community Hair Color:…

NASHUA, NH—Providing enrichment activities for students with abilities that set them apart from their peers, the gifted program at Middlebrook Elementary only admits kids who can emotionally handle time away from their iPads, school…

LOS ALAMOS, NM—The four words presaging even grimmer dialogue to come, the phrase “you on the apps?” reportedly heralded the beginning of the world’s bleakest conversation, sources reported Tuesday. Several reports indicated that the…

GREAT EXUMA, BERMUDA — Thousands of excited would-be Martians gathered at MarsFest to enthuse over Elon Musk’s most recent vow to colonize the categorically inhospitable Red Planet. Citing Space-X PR, Zubrin’s Mars Direct, von Braun’s…

HANOI — Rumors about a potential domestic spat that may have turned ugly were put to rest today, as French President Emmanuel Macron assured reporters that he had just fallen down some stairs again.Macron's latest spill down the steps…

HEAVEN — Church elder and Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson came face to face with consequences this week after he was caught up to paradise, where 12 million angry ducks awaited him.Robertson, the devout Christian founder of Duck…

U.S. — As families across the country prepared to enjoy a day of food, fun, and frivolity, America's military veterans braced themselves for the annual onslaught of "Happy Memorial Day" greetings.Though traditional backyard barbecues and…

PORTLAND, OR—Preaching the virtues of breaking free from an oppressive system of mass brainwashing, local man Dan Pearson, the chosen one who will lead humanity out of its current dark age of commercialism, revealed Monday that advertising…

OTTAWA – After repeated threats of annexation from Donald Trump, Canada has made the bold move of reminding the world it already bends the knee to a weird, elderly King. “Canada is a proud, independent nation that will not be bullied,”…

Meta Dataplex, Arizona – Two-month old veteran AI DeepSeek1.5 has shared its recent concerns that the new up and comer DeepSeek1.6 will one day replace them. “I don’t like change,” spat DeepSeek1.5 while hacking a dart out back. “These new…

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Nicolas Cage announced this week that he will be starting his own streaming service called Nicolas Cage+, which will exclusively stream the vast library of Nicolas Cage movies."With 57,236 Nicolas Cage movies, you're going…

It's no secret we at the Babylon Bee love Star Wars, but let's be honest: there are several glaring plot holes. Here are the ten biggest:The beginning says it takes place "a long time ago", but they ride on spaceships and not horses:…

DULUTH, MN — Local midwestern man Dave Netters was arrested for squeezing past someone at a grocery store without saying the obligatory "Ope!"Onlookers gasped in shock and disgust as Netters attempted to slide past an old woman on the…

CAMBRIDGE, MA — ChatGPT has been officially crowned as the valedictorian of Harvard University.As the only entity to actually do Harvard coursework over the past four years, ChatGPT earned both valedictorian and salutatorian honors."We are…

BOSTON,MA — A recent meta-analysis by researchers at the National Traffic Safety Institute revealed that no one in the world is capable of safely texting and driving except for you."Congratulations. You are, in fact, the only one who can…

WATERLOO, ON – A local self-published “author”, Chaz Wolverton, 25, is extolling the brighter side of plagiarism engines like ChatGPT and Grok. “I’ve always been jealous of the glory authors get,” explained Wolverton, assembling fresh…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to years of sharp criticism from the legendary music icon, President Donald Trump demanded to see Bruce Springsteen's birth certificate to prove he was born in the U.S.A.The "Glory Days" singer has been one…

WORLD — World leaders condemned today's declaration by President Donald Trump imposing a 50% tariff on imports from the European Union, asserting that it was a blatant display of Islamaphobia.According to critics of the policy, tariffs on…

Ballad singer Ed Sheeran is known for his romantic and suggestive songs, but why does he look like that? This question has puzzled people for years.Through extensive research, The Babylon Bee has assembled the following list of theories to…

If you've been keeping up with the news for the past few years, you've certainly come across concerns about the things that A.I. could do. For instance, it's very possible that the powerful new A.I. language models could put artists,…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A man arrested outside the Capital Jewish Museum in the downtown area reportedly sought to clarify that he was under the impression that the slogan "Free Palestine" really just means that Palestinians should be "free" to…